Spasmodic Blog

Take Evasive Action!

Dean is now addicted to Star Wars.  We've been watching the series every night, and are currently working on Episode 1.  I've got a notepad next to the couch and every time there's a good line, I write it down.  Here are a few choice words:

"When 900 years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hmm?"  -- Yoda to Luke

"'Exciting' is hardly the word I would choose."  -- C3PO to R2D2

"Take evasive action!"  -- heard on Empire ship

All of the people inside the Empire ship suddenly throw themselves at the wall when they hear that command.  It looks like they think it will actually help the ship move out of the way.  I think I will try yelling that at a party sometime.  Will people get the reference?  Maybe if I throw myself against a wall while I say it, that might help.

Move Along

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."  --- Obi-Wan Kenobi 

Last night, Dean watched Star Wars for the first time.  He liked it!  He wanted to watch it again, just like we all did when we first saw it.  This time, watching it with him, we laughed out loud at one particular line.  David and I think we should get the above quotation embroidered on a pillow.  Or, maybe needlepointed?  Anyway, it's almost as good as:

"I did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm."  (Gandalf the White)

I mean:  Don't we all feel that way sometimes?

Yesterday was a total drain.  I went to the memorial service for my friend's 19 year old daughter.  She died of ovarian cancer.  Everybody was crying;  I cried for almost all of the 1 and 1/2 hours -- and I didn't even know the girl.  Apparently, she was the most special, beautiful, wonderful, least-deserving-of-death girl on the planet.  Her coach got up and spoke.  And her girlfriends.  And her boyfriend gave a speech.  And another friend played "Blackbird" on the guitar, because he "promised her" that he would.  Letters from both her mother and father were read by friends.  And finally, when we all thought that we couldn't take anymore, her sister got up and talked, and presented a montage of pictures of the girl throughout her 19 years....

Baby photos

video footage of a 4 year old, singing "you've got a friend"

images of a growing girl, with braces, then

a beautiful young woman with lots of friends, then

no hair, getting thinner

in a wheelchair smiling

....are you getting a good picture yet?  Oh my.  And oh, did I mention that Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" was playing in the background?  Oh dear god.  I was crying, but I was rolling my eyes at the same time.  GEEZ.  How much did they think we could really handle, huh??  It was even harder than watching "Terms of Endearment."

I waited in line for 20 minutes, trying to pull myself together and to figure out what to say to the parents when I got a chance.  It didn't really matter -- I knew that nothing I said would make a difference. 

"She was beautiful,"  I said, when I hugged them both. 

"Yes, she was," they each said to me, separately.

This is why I can't practice social work anymore.  I was a complete mess afterwards, and not even a trip to the mall helped me to recover.  David says I'll get over it....

Succumbing to Mini-Vandom

Maybe people didn't know this, but we have only one car.  It's a Prius.  We also have 3 kids and a dog.  Although it's true that they all fit in the car, and it's certainly better for the environment, it's a tight squeeze and...it's getting kind of old.  Yesterday, it was a really tight squeeze because there was giant box wedged next to the boys, in transit to be mailed to one of David's biker people.  Ugh...and TODAY, as I waited for the Prius to be serviced, I found myself ogling a used Sienna.  Hmmm....

In the past, the possibility of a mini-van seemed depressing.  Now, it seems blissful.  I wish they'd hurry up and invent a hybrid mini-van.  I'm told that the current hybrid SUVs don't get more miles pg than regular cars.  Anybody hear of a good, large hybrid vehicle? 

Meet My New Friends -

- Guiliana and Bill!  They're newlyweds, and they've got their own reality show (titled "Guiliana and Bill") on the Style network.  Guiliana is the host for E! news daily (I think) and Bill was the winning apprentice on some season (the first, maybe?) of that Donald Trump show.  I admit it:  I was a little skeptical at first, but then I got hooked....they are just such a happy couple and they seem almost...normal.  They're functional.  They don't have dumb arguments over things that don't matter, and they're both interesting people, separately.  They make good points and they never get carried away with the fantastically materialistic life they're living.  They're almost....charming.  Well, they're adult company for me, anyway. 

YO Gabba Gabba

Important question: What shade of white should we paint our living room?  (Any suggestions?  Linen white?  Navaho white?) I'm totally sick of our living room and everything in it.  I wanted to buy new furniture, but it's much cheaper to just clean it and paint it.   My 20-something self would have laughed at this venture.  But it makes me happy...

Speaking of happy, has anybody seen that show - Yo Gabba Gabba?  Apparently, it's all the rage amongst the preschool set.  It sounds just ghastly.  Maybe somebody can fill me in, so I don't have to watch it.

OK, so maybe they aren't...

Halloween went well.  The kids all dressed up and got lots of candy.  As promised, Dean gave me all of the stuff he doesn't like: Reese's, Snickers, and Twix.  He was so sweet; whenever he got one of those while trick or treating, he'd immediately run to me and hand it over.  Such a good boy. 

People are such f'n LOSERS

I went to the gym this AM with my Lee-uh wig on.  Everybody smiled, but was anybody else wearing a costume?  Noooo.*  I asked James the Trainer if he's going to dress up for work tomorrow and he said:

"Nah."

Jame is (I've decided) nice but boring.  He sticks to his diet (even though he's thin as a rail), follows the same exercise routine as the members and he always parks his car in the exact same location -- and he always backs it in.

James eats grilled chicken and salad for lunch.  Every day.  He keeps an apple and a bag of almonds on his work table -- just in case he gets hungry!  The other day, James found himself unaccountably famished and didn't know what to do.  Finally, he hit upon a solution: Drink half of a bottle of fruit smoothie.  Yeah...that oughtta do it!

On any given day, James can be heard extolling the virtues of protein shakes and (oh god) greek yogurt.   I swear, if I eat any more greek yogurt I'm going to throw up.  I actually gagged the last time I tried it. 

Initially, I found James quite intriguing.  Such discipline!  Such strength!  But recently....well, let's just say I got over that little crush.   How can anyone keep eating grilled chicken and salad every day, for weeks and months on end, without vomiting?

On his "cheat" day (the gym's diet gives you one day on which you're allowed to eat whatever you want), here's what James eats:

"I eat pizza for lunch."

"So...Do you eat the whole pizza?  Like, with a six-pack of beer or something?"  I asked him.

"Nah, I eat about, probably 3 slices."

"And that's it?  That's your 'cheat'?"

"Well, it's easier that way...you get into a routine and then you go back to eating better for the other meals."

I felt like crying when he first told me that.  Not for him: for myself.  I knew I could never do that.  

---

* - one lady did wear earrings with pumpkins on them, and a t shirt with "trick or treat" written on it in sparkly letters.  I guess she's okay.

Princess Lee-uh

Our whole family, except Andre, is going as Star Wars characters for Halloween.  I'm the princess, David will be a Rebel fighter, Dean will be Anakin, Alex will be an ewok and Junie will be Yoda.  I guess Andre is too mature for that, though.  He's going as a "phantom." 

I wore the costume to Dean's preschool's Halloween party today.  I wonder if anybody noticed Princess Leia driving our Prius through town?  I tried to sit up straight and look important.  Later, I managed to spill stuff all over my white outfit.  Was Leia a slob?  Possibly.  I can see why she looked annoyed so frequently:  the dress is a tad cumbersome.  And all of the other parents were dressed normally, of course.  Oh well.  I'm still wearing it to the gym on Friday.

In a Dither

I've been trying to get on Typepad for a week.  All sorts of things were keeping me away, but especially a certain toddler who is Definitely Not the sweet little innocent baby we thought he was.  Man, he's busy.   That expression "into everything" really doesn't cover it;  he's like a Visa card.  He's everywhere you want to be.  I've got loads of patience for him.  The problem is that I have none left for anybody else.

We still don't have a garbage disposal.  I'm trying to adjust.  I was driving to Maine over the weekend when I had a brilliant idea:  Why not buy a pig?  George Clooney had one.  It can't be that hard.  We could feed it all of our slop.  But then...I'd have to stop eating bacon.  And I don't know if pig poop is good for the yard. 

From My Cold, Dead Hands

This just in: Someday, I might be a hunter!  Yes.  I will hunt, if necessary.  I joined the Lexington Garden Club last week, and listened to their featured speaker: Peter Alden, Naturalist.  This very interesting guy (you can google him, if you like:) was talking about  "Changes in Flora & Fauna" which will be affecting New England.  One of those recent changes is the surfeit of deer.  Yes.  The deer population in Concord, for example, should be about 150 to 200.  HOWEVER, it's actually closer to 800.  And those deer are eating up our wildflowers!  Which will never return!  Oh, the horror! 

So, yeah -- I'd kill a few deer, if somebody asked me to.  Don't know how I'd do it, since I don't own a gun and don't have a license or anything like that...

Does anybody know how to do it?  How does one become a hunter?  And what does this mean about my political affiliation?  Will I have to join the NRA?  Will I watch more Charlton Heston films?  Help me, Moses.